#BananaForScale

Roleplay Roleplay by KURTIS RAY
On Wed, Nov29, 2017 12:38am America/Phoenix
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#BananaForScale
(A blurry camera comes into focus on an inconceivably large, decidedly decadent-looking burger surrounded by fries and a plethora of other deep-fried bar foods. A banana is laid out on the table nearby, providing a scale for the scope of the beefy monstrosity. There is a barely audible click and a bemused noise from off-screen before the camera switches to show the excited face of Kurtis Ray.)

KURTIS: I know, right? It's as big as my friggin' head. No idea how I'm going to finish it, but when I found a pub with a food challenge encouraging me to Sink the Bismarck, I had to give it a try.

(He looks surprised, shifting to rest his chin on his hand as he stares intently at the screen. A pair of bluetooth headphones is barely visible in his ears, and suddenly Kurtis laughs at nothing.)

KURTIS: You know me better than that, man. I've never walked away from a challenge. Hmm?

(Kurtis' expression turns quizzical, and after a moment he shrugs. By this point, it's obvious he's on a phone call.)

KURTIS: You know that doesn't count. No it doesn't, dude. Two words, pal. Referee stoppage. I didn't walk away, they made me leave because I had food poisoning and couldn't do anything without crapping my pants or blowing chunks. 

(Kurtis snatches a mozzarella stick off the tray of food, observing it for a moment before taking a bite. A surprised noise comes from the wrestler as he pulls it away from his mouth. He puts half of the treat back, taking a drink and coughing.)

KURTIS: I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just a little hotter than I expected. Oh you're gonna call me a |BLEEP|? Who was the one who cried at the end of IT? The clown wasn't that scary. Yeah. Yeah, you're a big ol' baby.

(Kurtis laughs, taking up the rest of the mozzarella stick and popping it into his mouth before taking a drink from a glass of unidentified amber-colored liquid.)

KURTIS: Yeah, yeah. Heard it a million times, buddy, and you've never actually stepped up. You're welcome to try. I could use a warm-up before Ravage.

(Kurtis picks up a knife and cuts into the burger, revealing it's inside. At least three thick patties are visible along with loads of cheese and a lot of bacon strips. Kurtis lets out a whoosh of breath, raising his drink again.)

KURTIS: I might die. Yes I can finish it, but I might die. That's like two pounds of meat. And that's not even including the bacon. Reminds me of some of the garbage Woody used to pack in. No, Big Woody. No, BIG Woody. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, last I heard he was wrestling in Mexico as Mountain McGillicuddy. Well it's better then Dixie Rekt. I still don't know what you were thinking.

(Kurtis ventures to raise part of the burger, taking a herculean bite and making very little progress. He grunts, reaching for a napkin to wipe off his face.)

KURTIS: SO good. Holy jesus. Remember Buck's in El Paso? Better. Yeah. Yeah. See? If I hadn't ordered the giant burger I would have missed out. Doesn;t matter if I have to pay for it, the thing is I'm gonna finish what I started. K-Train don't stop, baby. No burger can better me.

(Kurtis takes another bite of the burger, chewing for a moment before swallowing thickly and following it with a long drink from his glass.)

KURTIS: Shop talk, huh? Surprise, surprise, guess I figured we'd get there. Well what do you think? I have a shot at the title against two other guys, of course I'm nervous. No, that's not the same as afraid. It's more like kind of electrified? Definitely excited. Mostly cause I want to slap the smug out of Syndicate. Dude is never off. He never shuts up. Backs it up, too. Well yeah, you gotta respect what he can do. Doesn't change the fact that he rubs me the wrong way.

(Kurtis takes an onion ring off the tray on the table, taking a large bite, and then shoving the rest into his mouth to follow it.)

KURTIS: Mmmm. Yeah, you got a point. Well the last time didn't really go so well for me. Yeah I know, the whole villain turn didn't really work. I needed to do something different, and then I kinda went off the rails. Ha! You know it, off the rails is my jam. But when it comes to someone like Syndicate, the moment he gets in your head, you're done. Sort of guy you can't afford to lose your focus on.

(Kurtis attacks the burger again, releasing another satisfied grunt as he chews and swallows.)

KURTIS: Rayne? Rayne is kind of a mystery. He's not as big of a threat as he thinks he is, but he's more of a threat than you expect? It's weird. I figured he'd be a soft hand, and then he punked me. No other way to describe it. I made a mistake underestimating him, but that's not going to happen again. What do you mean, cocky? I'm not cocky. It's not being cocky if I know I can back it up. Okay, maybe it's a little cocky. Sometimes cocky is good. You know this business is like fifty percent talking. Okay, okay, fair point. I guess I am. No, for real, you're right. Rayne's better than a lot of the guys I've faced off against, not gonna do myself any favors if I let myself forget that again.

(Kurtis is silent for a long moment, draining his glass and gesturing to someone off-screen.)

KURTIS: Like I said, I'm nervous. But I'm ready. We've been in the ring together, you know what I'm capable of when I'm on. So does Syndicate. Soon enough Rayne will too. Well if they wanna be like that, that's on them. Yeah. Yeah, right. Mm hmm. Yeah, well, we'll see when Ravage is in the books. You better believe it, man. Come Friday, there's gonna be a whole new gold-plated Hype Train rampaging through the WWX. Syndicate wants to be the stick, I'll be the banana. For scale. Like the internet meme. Yeah it was a clumsy metaphor, shut up. Alright. Yeah, I'm gonna sink this beast. Alright, I'll call you tomorrow. Later bro.

(Kurtis picks up a hunk of the burger, taking a bite before reaching toward the phone. The screen abruptly cuts to black.)

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