But not a real green dress, that's cruel.

Roleplay Roleplay by MATT GLAZEBROOK
On Sun, Mar08, 2015 5:17am America/Phoenix
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But not a real green dress, that's cruel.

(Scene opens in the film room of the 420 residence.  There is a large white screen which takes up an entire wall.  In the middle of this screen is a small window (about the size of a large screen TV, 75 inches or so) with a still-shot of Francis Teach from his debut on WWX television.  The camera pans around the room to show about 20 theatre style seats in the back of the room.  There are a couple of chalkboards against the side wall with various writing on them.   In front of these seats are two huge black leather massaging recliners with a small wooden coffee table in between them.  A couple bottles of Dogfish 60 are on the table, along with an ashtray.  Glazebrook is laid back in a recliner, writing furiously in a notebook and watching the screen.  He is wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a black Beatles T shirt.  He looks back over his shoulder into the camera.)

Glazebrook – Whaddup?

Cameraman – Hey Glaze.   I see you got the package that I left.

Glazebrook – You said package…  Yeah, I’ve been sifting through it, although there’s not much here.  But, I guess we all gotta start somewhere, right?  So far, I get that this guy is your typical puffy shirt, patch on the eye, “Ya’ar, she blows!” pirate… except he doesn’t have a parrot on his shoulder.  He does have a pet monkey, though.

Cameraman – A monkey?

Glazebrook – Yeah, dude… (Singing) Haven’t you always wanted a mon-key?  It’s kinda cute actually.  It follows him around and does tricks and stuff.

Cameraman – Really?  He does tricks?

Glazebrook – Nah, man… I don’t know.  It’d be cool if he did, though.  Dude, if I had a pet monkey, I’d make it do all kinds of things for me, man.  Cook, clean, laundry.  I’d make him get me beers from the fridge and the kegerator.  And I’d teach him how to roll a joint, too, man… that’d be awesome.  Wouldn’t it be cool to have a little monkey running around here?  Eh?  You look like you could go either way on this.  You know what, though?  Monkeys fling their poop.  They could be very messy and disgusting pets.  I wonder how many times that monkey flings poop on the ol Capitan per week.  Per month?  Per day?  Seems kinda crappy to me.

Cameraman – So, he’s got a monkey.

Glazebrook – (singing) Brass Monkey… that funky monkey.

Cameraman – Anything else?

Glazebrook – Yeah, not really.  When he does talk, he talks in some kind of foreign language.  It’s weird, cuz like, it sounds like maybe it was spawned by English.  I can understand like, every 5th word or so, you know?  Bro… yo… go…

Cameraman – No.

Glazebrook – So, anyway, yeah… he’s all, “Shiver me timbers and pieces of eight” and he keeps babbling on like this.  I guess he’s trying to tell me to take it easy on him, but I think I did catch that he thought I was somehow hitting on him before.  This is kind of funny for a guy who introduces himself to a wrestling league by saying he came to the WWX because he wants some booty.  Now maybe I misunderstood something, but I’m just telling you what I heard.  But he does have some little hooker around him all the time, feeding him grapes and he gets to smack her ass.  So, he’s got that going for him.  Maybe he’s one of those guys who swing both ways, like AC/DC.

Truth is I don’t really care which way you swing.  Doesn’t matter in the least.  What matters is what you do when you’re in Los Angeles, California and you’re standing in the middle of the squared circle.  And you look across that ring and see this…

(Glazebrook stands up as the camera backs up a few steps to adjust and show the athlete from head to toe.)

… This beast of a physical spectacle carved from the finest materials by God himself and set down upon this Earth to wreak havoc upon those who oppose.  You see, I am bigger than the biggest, faster than the fastest, badder than the baddest and just plain better than the best.  I don’t know how you can say that I’ve been quiet here lately because the past few months I’ve been in the middle of the ring with my hand raised more times than not.  And on Mayhem you’re gonna have a packed Staples Center and millions of people watching around the world from the comfort of their own living room that all know what time it is.  So, you just go on thinking that I’m some brain dead hippie.  And I’m sorry this language barrier has really mixed up the message of what it is to be smoked, but I guarantee that I will clear that up for you this Tuesday night.  The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!  

(Glazebrook sits back down.  He grabs a joint that was sitting on the edge of the ashtray and lights it up.)

Yeah, dude.  That was cool.  And speaking of smoked… I think it’s time for a little break from the film room.

(Glazebrook takes a big hit and exhales smoke into the camera until it encompasses the whole shot.  Fade to black.)

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