Deconstruct (repost)

Roleplay Roleplay by TANNO WATERS
On Tue, Mar13, 2018 4:46pm America/Phoenix
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Deconstruct (repost)
OOC: Turns out the workaround I used for some punctuation marks in the previous RP only made the problem worse. For the sake of readability, here it is again, hopefully better this time.

[We open on Tanno sitting in his library, wearing a grey three-piece suit. Massive bookcases line the walls, reaching at least 30 feet high. He's reading a fancy-looking book, when behind him his wife Emily walks up. She's wearing a blue strapless dress that reaches down to her ankles. She sits down in a chair next to Tanno and looks at him. Tanno puts his book down.]

EMILY: Valentine posted a promo.

[Tanno pinches the bridge of his nose.]

TANNO: He posted two, actually. Which, honestly, is two too many.

EMILY: You have to respond.

TANNO: I know, I know. It’s just... Where do I even start? They're long, rambling promos about God knows what in which he rattles off a plethora of subjects. It's painful.

EMILY: He's young. He's green.

TANNO: He's an amateur, Emily. Let's not beat around the bush about that.

EMILY: So what's exactly the problem then? Just cut a promo and take him out.

TANNO: Thing is, there's so much to cover! He goes over so much and gets so much wrong... I have absolutely no idea where to begin, what to discuss, how to approach it all. It's like, well... shit's so convoluted I don't even have a metaphor for it.

EMILY: Well, how about we start with his relationship? His fiancée said it had "been a little while."

TANNO: At a sports game, no less. That's gonna be one rocky marriage if they manage to make it to the wedding day.

EMILY: Doesn't help matters that she apparently doesn't follow his WWX career. He had to explain to her what's been going on. She absolutely doesn't care about what he's doing here.

[Emily grabs her phone and taps a bit.]

EMILY: By the way, you're not gonna believe this. Take a look at his WWX Profile.

[She hands the phone over to Tanno.]

TANNO: Where's his profile picture?

EMILY: He doesn't have one.

TANNO: So for all I know he might be sending someone else down to the ring. I sure as hell don't have any reference to check.

EMILY: It gets better. Check his achievements.

[Tanno taps on the phone.]

TANNO: There aren't any.

EMILY: No, not the achievements tab. He's put some in his bio.

[Tanno taps again.]

TANNO: "Achievements. 1. Signed a WWX contract" Oh my God, you have got to be kidding me. Please tell me this is a joke.

EMILY: It's not.

TANNO: Then I've died and this is my eternal punishment. I have to deal with Jarvis Valentine and his vast wealth of amateurism for all eternity.

EMILY: Oh come on, it's not that bad.

TANNO: Emily, he lists getting signed as an achievement. That's not an achievement! Literally anyone capable of pulling off an Irish Whip can get signed!

EMILY: I'd argue that, but considering that even I've been under a wrestling contract with the WWX I'm gonna have to give you that one.

TANNO: God, this is painful.

EMILY: And we haven't even gotten to his promos yet. You noticed his little nickname?

TANNO: What, Tanya? Yeah, I've noticed. It'd be funny if it weren't for the fact that Hex Girl made the exact same joke two weeks ago in preparation for our cage match. Major difference was that she was actually credible enough to make it seem like a threat.

EMILY: So, amateurish and unoriginal. Any other character traits?

TANNO: He's kissing James Ranger's ass harder than Viper, then has the gall to claim I'm just as bad because I'm somehow kissing my own ass.

[Emily looks puzzled.]

TANNO: Don't ask, I have absolutely no idea how he came to that logic.

EMILY: That logic is so terrible I just have to break it down.

TANNO: Don't let me stop you, I know exactly what you're about to say.

EMILY: Alright, so first off there's the tu quoque fallacy...

TANNO: ...a logical fallacy which means that he avoids having to engage with criticism by turning it back on the accuser, AKA answering criticism with criticism.

EMILY: Exactly. He basically appeals to hypocrisy and in doing so shifts blame and attention away from the criticism you gave him. It's lazy as hell, but it doesn't make sense either. This is wrestling. Kissing our own ass is what we do! It's what this sport thrives on.

TANNO: He's basically accusing me of doing a good job as a wrestler. Which, I gotta hand to him, is absolutely true.

EMILY: You're doing an amazing job, sweety.

TANNO: Speaking of wrestling, his profile page lists him as 'popular', but his promos are some of the most boo-worthy promos I've seen in years. Even if we ignore how terrible they are, he insults fellow wrestlers, legends even! How can he in good faith register himself as popular when that's gonna get him booed out of the building?

EMILY: Honestly, this only adds to how much of an amateur he is. I'm prett sure he has no idea what he's doing.

[She sighs deeply.]

EMILY: I need a drink.

TANNO: I need two.

EMILY: Kiara's already asleep. You wanna get drunk and do it in the living room?

TANNO: Do you have to ask?

[They get up and leave as we FTB]

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