Five Things I'd Rather Do
On Thu, May18, 2017 9:20pm America/Phoenix
Five Things I'd Rather Do
(The late-day sun casts a golden light into a familiar apartment. There is some new, expensive decor placed, but the pictures and various awards leave no question it is the home of Kurtis Ray. A lump of blankets on the bed moves and emits a groan, and an instant later the blankets are cast aside and Kurtis sits up, taking a clock radio off of the bedside table and blinking at it.) KURTIS: 5:30? Guess I overslept. (He slides out of bed, stretching, and then disappears off-screen for a moment. A faucet can be heard running, followed by a gurgle a moment later. After a minute Kurtis reappears with a laptop tucked under his arm and a mug of what is, presumably, coffee. He sets down on the sofa, setting the cup and computer on the coffee table in front of him before stretching again. He collects the mug, taking a drink from it and sighing, before opening up the laptop. A chime sounds as it comes to life.) KURTIS: Yeah, yeah. I have mail. Sure, lets see. (He clicks several times, pausing to type something, but a distasteful look appears on his face.) KURTIS: Credit card statement.... Netflix payment.... Mexican Viagra? ....Let's save that one for later. (His eyes widen, and Kurtis smirks slightly.) KURTIS: Syndicate posted a video to WWXOnline.com. Ha. Figures it couldn't last. (He looks conflicted for a moment, then sighs. He leans back in the couch, crossing one leg over the other and jiggling his foot. After chewing on his thumbnail for a moment, he curse under his breath and uncrosses his leg, leaning forward.) KURTIS: Guess I should get it out of the way. (He clicks on something, leaning back on the couch. After a moment, the opening strains of "What is Love?" by Haddaway starts playing. Kurtis grins and starts doing the Butabi Bop along to the music, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows at the camera, before dissolving into laughter. He stops the music, wiping away mirthful tears before leaning back into the couch again.) KURTIS: Hahaha aw man. Classic. I love that movie. (Kurtis takes a deep breath, regaining his composure. He lets out the breath in a whoosh, leaning back into the couch again.) KURTIS: Alright. Alright. Professional. Here we go. (He clicks on something on the computer again, watching intently. After a moment, an indescribable noise starts coming from the computer, and Kurtis' gaze softens a bit before he starts snickering. The camera angle changes to over Kurtis' shoulder, revealing that, instead of the Syndicate video, he's watching a video of a cat eating a muffin.) KURTIS: Hahahah! Lookit him go! You enjoy that muffin. That's friggin' adorable. Upvoted and favorited. (The camera switches back to the view from in front of the sofa. Kurtis picks up his coffee mug, taking another swig from it, looking thoughtful as he stares at the computer. He takes another drink from the mug before placing it back down.) KURTIS: Guess that's enough playing around. Syndicate's probably expecting some kind of rebuttal. Head in the game, Kurtis. (He leans forward to the computer again, clicking several times before leaning back in the sofa again, watching the screen intently.) COMPUTER: OOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!! WHO LIVES IN A PINAPPLE UNDER THE SEA!! (Kurtis jumps slightly, then begins laughing hysterically again, obviously greatly amused by his own antics. The music continues to play until it's conclusion, and Kurtis takes a moment to compose himself, clicking again to stop the video.) KURTIS: Either Syndicate's production budget improved and that's a weird promo, or that wasn't the right video. Gee whiz, I wonder what's going on? (Kurtis shoots a knowing smirk at the camera before busying himself with the computer again.) KURTIS: Whoa that looks interesting! Eleven things you'll only understand if you're a professional wrestler. Man, Buzzfeed is on point these days. Too bad it's gonna be pointless nonsense. Still, I should probably give it a read..... Sid's video can wait a few more minutes.... (An alarm goes off from somewhere, and Kurtis produces a phone from his pocket. He swipes at the screen, his eyes widening slightly as he curses under his breath again.) KURTIS: Jeez, is it that time already? Uber's gonna be here in.... ten minutes? Damn. Alright, lets get that video out of the way, then. (Kurtis clicks again, several times this time, and sits back on the couch as the WWX Network intro plays, leading into "Never Gonna Give You Up." Kurtis howls with laughter, smirking at the camera openly as the music continues to play. He stands up, walking away from the computer as Rick Astley sings, grabbing his gym bag and disappearing from screen. The camera pans around to the computer screen, showing a YouTube video of the offending song, along with a notepad open with the words "See you on Mayhem." The scene fades to black.