Take Off, You Hoser

Roleplay Roleplay by MATT GLAZEBROOK
On Sat, Jan24, 2015 2:07pm America/Phoenix
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Take Off, You Hoser
(Scene opens in the garage at the 420 residence.  It’s a large open area, with a little workshop back off in the corner.  Half of the space is occupied by a few various weight machines and free weights, a couple stationary bikes and treadmills.  The other half is set up as a game room.  2 pool tables, a bubble boy hockey machine, one of those mini basketball hoops, and a couple arcade style games, including Golden Tee.  Matt Glazebrook is knocking some balls around on the pool table.  He is wearing a pair of white lacrosse shorts, a pair of black sneakers, and a plain olive green t shirt.)

Glazebrook – Whaddup, cameraman?

Cameraman – Hey Glaze, congratulations on the big win!

Glazebrook – Thank you.  Thank you very much.  I appreciate that, dude.  But, no time to relish in the past, my friend… it’s on, on, on to the next one.

Cameraman – Yes, sir.  You have another match at this week’s Ravage.

Glazebrook – That’s right.  The good folks of Vancouver are in for a real show this weekend.  They’re all like, (in a Canadian accent) “Who’s aboot we leave the hoose and take in a wrestling match.  I hear that Glazebrook from 420 is in action this week, taking on some hoser.”  That reminds me, I have to update my passport.

Cameraman – Uh… I don’t think it’s in Canada, dude.

Glazebrook – Yeah it is… they said it was in Vancouver.  Isn’t that in Canada?

Cameraman – There’s also one in Washington.

Glazebrook – No way!  That’s pretty close to Maryland.  Maybe I can stop in and see Tinordi’s parents.

Cameraman – No… Washington state.

Glazebrook – Like, Wazzou?

Cameraman – Wa-Who?

Glazebrook – No, no… wazzou.  Nevermind, dude.  I don’t even know why I bother if you can’t follow along.  So, anyway, whatever Vancouver we’re talking about is in for a show.  Uh… who am I against again?

Cameraman – Venom Ramon.

Glazebrook – Venom Ramon.  That name sounds familiar.

Cameraman – He had a tag team partner a while back.  I think you may have crossed paths.  He’s the snake man.

Glazebrook – (in Adam Sandler’s baffoon’s voice) I got a snake, man!  One time I fed him some beer.

Cameraman – Yeah, that’s the guy.

Glazebrook – I gotta fight a guy who plays with his snake all the time?  Kinda like my matches with the Insurgence, I guess.

Cameraman – He was just on TV, talking about your match.

Glazebrook – Oh yeah, I think I saw that.  Some mumbo-jumbo about looking through the fog and how he’s always on the bottom.  And he bites, too.  Like Mike Tyson, I guess?  Listen, Ramon, I don’t know what you think you got yourself into here, but this certainly isn’t going to be a dinner date.  But I am glad you are used to being on the bottom, since that’s where you’re going to be on Saturday night… underneath 300 pounds of finely tuned athleticism for the 1, 2, 3 count, baby.  Because you already know what happens when you step in the ring with Matt Glazebrook… you get treated like a roach, and smoked!

(Camera zooms out as Glazebrook goes back to hitting his balls into the pocket.  Fade to black.)

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