Vape and Chugalug: Let's Go!

On Fri, Dec22, 2017 9:22am America/Phoenix
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Vape and Chugalug: Let's Go!
It's been a fast two weeks for one of, if not the, latest signing to WWX.  The man with a heart, mind, and soul to try to represent the 35th state in the union that is the United States, West Virginia Mountaineer, has an interest similar and different than others in the sport of professional wrestling.  While, like any braggadocious and athletic personality would tell you, titles are important, to West Virginia Mountaineer, letting people know just how special his home state has been and can be is a driving factor also.  Let's better explain things, while outside of the business, West Virginia Mountaineer would probably tell you "duty, honor, country" are important to remember.  However, in professional wrestling, he's convinced himself that having "duty, honor, state, country" can occur.  That might not be logical. Actually, it's stupid, granted.  But, when you're a child, as many West Virginians have been over the years and decades, and you have people asking about where you're from, only to say "I've been to Richmond/Roanoke before" and you can't violently correct them, the illogical and the stupid may not be such a bad idea to hang around. Instead, it leads to angst and, when entering a sport a violent as wrestling, quite the way to give a correction to the geographically inept and financially pompous.

When you're someone like West Virginia Mountaineer, your life has been surrounded also by sports, thank goodness.  Football, the primary thing, along with adult beverages to help enjoy the win or deal with the loss.  For those people with residence in the area code "304 (plus the recently added the "681)," if you don't follow the university teams out of Morgantown, WV, you might be considered lacking a brain, not a "true" West Virginian, or a fan of the enemy teams of the former Big East conference or the current Big 12 conference.  Meaning:  you will die a horrible death.  

Alas, when we see the man from the land of the "Mountain Mama," he's sipping on a beverage out of a blue can.  We'll call it "pseudo-Pepsi" because it's nicer.  Mountaineer sitting outside, sucking down vapors too, just outside a former old coal company store, emptied out decades ago, but still a nice stoop for meeting with people of the community.  

West Virginia Mountaineer:  To think, if I had took the country road my daddy and my granddaddy and my granddaddy's daddy took, I'd been walking around here broken down, hobo looking, and wishing I'd have been a pro wrestler. 

Mountaineer chuckles and takes a drink of his beverage.  

West Virginia Mountaineer:   Did you know that I was five time 304 Wrestling Heavyweight Champion?  Do you even care?  

Mountaineer smiles. 

West Virginia Mountaineer:  Right, right. The bright lights of the really big city, the WWX, don't care what you did in other lands, baby.  They just care what you do now, in their world.  Well, in your world, WWX sees me as some punk ace batch of cow patty pie.  Don't you!  But, I don't blame ya.  I'm just starting out in this new land, where there is syndication and melons and fuzzy wuzzy was not a woman.  Yes, the top is solid and the bottom is empty.  Souls in between are finished fighting and just letting the big dogs crap all over them.  

Mountaineer vapes a draw. He exhales air and excess smoke like vape. 

West Virginia Mountaineer: The low ones on the totem pole hope for new meat, in a sense, so they can act like they're still deserving of their place.  Quote-unquote "second fiddle."  Well, I'm not second fiddle, baby.  I'm the next top draw for your little concerto around here!  And I get to show this to a man known as......Titus Tilon. 

Mountaineer sighs and takes another "chugalug" of his beverage. 

West Virginia Mountaineer:  It blows my mind how natural it always seems to be to put the big stout Mountaineer against these skinny, so called "fast" types.  Never will I understand the mentality of it.  I'm a damn wrestler!  My height and weight doesn't meet the American Medical Association idea of fitness, I get it.  But, if you think someone running around a ring, trying to tire me out, is going to make for good should reconsider.  I'm in pro wrestling condition, baby!  Run me, I'll outrun you.  I'm quite the big man for lacking height.  Titus, I can also work a few good submissions myself.  But, perhaps the only thing left to do is leave it to the reality and not the paper fantasy. But, Tilon, you need to bring some band aids with that tape of yours. Because you're going to be loading up sixteen tons.  Let's Go! 

Mountaineer finishes his drink, crushes the can, stands up and walks off while inhaling and exhaling vapors.  Certainly, West Virginia Mountaineer is all man, but can he overcome the first foe of his WWX career?  Or will the wily Titus Tilon figure out a way to, not only win, but completely embarrass the new talent?   

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